I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
