i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize