I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
