In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't notice because vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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