I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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