You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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