I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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