he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
