He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
