Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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