Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
