so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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