I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
