We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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