Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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