Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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