Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
