Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
