Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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