don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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