dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
