Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Alive.
So much puke
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
