The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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