My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize