We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.