I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.