I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.