I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What a dumb baby whore.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear