You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted