just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!