There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.