we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately