Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
then he tried to convert me to islam
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
