My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.