They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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