My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
