Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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