I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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