So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
