i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
