Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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