I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
