You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
