Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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