I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
