i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
