Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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