i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I smell stomach acid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
