need another drink. this is the easiest way
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
