Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Welp...herpes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
