Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
