we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
