He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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