i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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