There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
