ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
