I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
