where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
