you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize