I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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