im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
