I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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