omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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