I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
