I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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