we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
