he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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