Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
