the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
