He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
