remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
