Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
