Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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