Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
