I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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