I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
