i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I looked at my own cervix.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
