you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
