when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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