I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
