I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My bed is full of blood and feathers
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
