***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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